Gentlemen, no pun intended.
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Happy Sunday, and stay safe
Showing posts with label laughter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label laughter. Show all posts
Sunday, March 31, 2019
Friday, February 15, 2019
Uncle Frank the Comedian by Erika M Szabo
Uncle Frank was a jovial man who had a joke for every occasion.
The day after
Valentine's day not everyone is in a good mood, so I thought I'll
share a few jokes my favorite uncle used to tell at parties and family get-togethers..
Uncle Frank was a stocky man who laughed easily, and when he scrunched his face and squinted, everyone knew a joke was coming. He was a clown always ready for practical jokes such as putting whoopy-cushions on everyone's chair, offering those novelty vine glasses filled with red liquid that were sealed, or sending a piece of polished wood to a bald friend with hairbrush written on it.
Some of uncle Frank's
jokes:
Joe and his wife visited
their friend who proudly showed them his fruit garden with his wife.
"Do you remember honey? We'd been married for two years when we had our first fight and we planted this apple tree."
"Yes, and when we had a fight last year, we planted that pear tree over there. " She smiled warmly at her husband.
Joe exclaimed, "Two fights in ten years? Mandy and I've been married only two years and if we've planted a tree after every fight, we'd have an apple orchard."
"Do you remember honey? We'd been married for two years when we had our first fight and we planted this apple tree."
"Yes, and when we had a fight last year, we planted that pear tree over there. " She smiled warmly at her husband.
Joe exclaimed, "Two fights in ten years? Mandy and I've been married only two years and if we've planted a tree after every fight, we'd have an apple orchard."
A man got caught in the
woods with a rabbit in his sack and shot gun over his shoulder. When the forest
guard accused him of poaching, he said, "I'm not a poacher, I wanted to
commit suicide, but I accidentally shot this poor rabbit."
The grandfather tells
stories to his grandkids about his wartime memories. "Because of me, once an
entire division was unable to fight."
"You were a gunner or sharp shooter, grandpa?"
"Neither. I was the cook."
"You were a gunner or sharp shooter, grandpa?"
"Neither. I was the cook."
Charlie is supposed to
play his violin in the school play. He opens the violin case and sees a machine
gun. He shouts, "This is terrible! Dad is going to be embarrassed when he
opens the case at the bank."
"My wife has
terrible memory."
"Why? Does she forget everything?"
"No! She remembers everything!"
"Why? Does she forget everything?"
"No! She remembers everything!"
Husband to wife:
"You look better without your glasses, dear."
"Thanks. You look better without my glasses, too."
"Thanks. You look better without my glasses, too."
"I think my
boyfriend is married."
"What makes you think that?"
"Yesterday I kissed his eyelid with lipstick on and today he showed up with a black eye."
"What makes you think that?"
"Yesterday I kissed his eyelid with lipstick on and today he showed up with a black eye."
A horse breeder calls
the vet and asks, "Could you give me another prescription of the
aphrodisiac you prescribed for my stallion last week?"
"What was the name of the medication?"
"I don't remember but it had kind of cinnamon taste."
"What was the name of the medication?"
"I don't remember but it had kind of cinnamon taste."
A doctor's waterpipe
breaks and he calls a plumber. After the guy fixed his pipe gave him the bill
for $8,000.
"This is ridiculous!" the doctor cried out. "I'm a surgeon and even I can't make this much in half an hour!"
"I know," the plumber said. "I couldn't either while I was a doctor."
"This is ridiculous!" the doctor cried out. "I'm a surgeon and even I can't make this much in half an hour!"
"I know," the plumber said. "I couldn't either while I was a doctor."
Hope you liked some of uncle Frank's joke. If you know a good one, add it in comments.
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Saturday, June 24, 2017
Goofy Post Day at #OurAuthorGang
By Erika
My idea of dressing up had always been comfi, faded jeans and t-shirt since I was a very young child. My mother's idea, on the other hand, was fluffy dresses, adorned with lots of lace, and huge bows in my hair. Gosh, I hated those bows! I remember the day when this picture was taken in the photographer's studio.
I felt miserable, and it shows in the picture. No matter what my mom promised or even threatened to take away, I refused to smile.
Mom didn't give up to have a perfect picture taken of me dressed in her favorite outfit, so when we got home, she made me pose under the acacia tree that was filled with flowers. Unnoticed by her because she was busy setting the camera, I inched my way closer and closer to the tree branches.
To my great satisfaction, the hated bow got caught and tangled in the branch and when I yanked my head, the sharp thorns ripped the silk bow to shreds.
One glance at mom's angry eyebrows told me I was in big trouble, so I started running toward the front porch to reach the safety of my dad's embrace that always saved me from my mother's wrath. But in my haste, I stepped into the dog's water bowl, skidded, and fell into the muddy flower bed that dad just finished watering. My fluffy dress was ruined but the pitiful look on my face must have softened mom's anger because she quietly put the camera away and never again forced me to wear the enormous bows and fluffy dresses.
By Rick
Here I sit, all alone on our faded cream sofa.
My feet are hanging over one of the dark wooden arms, as my hand grasps the tumbler ever tighter.
The half-empty bottle on the coffee table speaks volumes, as my eyes shed droplets like the whiskey tears running down the outside of the glass.
Was it only last week that she packed her bags and left, clearing out the bank account on her way to meet her new lover?
Someone I knew so very, very well; my mate and my best friend.
I really, really . . . miss him.
"I wonder what's closer. The moon, or China."
"The moon."
"How do you know?"
"Duh! I can see the moon!"
Picture credit: the author's own photos, and created by the author using purchased Adobe or Fotolia photos
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