Eternal
“There you are, Ben. I’ve looked all over for you. Where
have you been?”
“I had some early morning chores to do, Nina. Thank you for
the coffee.” Benjamin sat at his customary seat at the kitchen table, facing
the front door and at Nina’s side.
“You’ve always been such a busy man, running here and there
and back again. Come sit with me. Do you remember what tomorrow is?”
“Indeed, I do. In all our years together, have I ever
forgotten? It’s a doubly special day—Valentine’s Day and our anniversary.”
“How many years has it been since I let you talk me into
being your wife.?”
“As I recall, I didn’t have to twist your arm so much.
Fifty-two years—neither of us had a single grey hair in our heads back then.
Before the kids and diapers. Soccer games and choir practice, then in a flash,
the graduations, and it was like we started all over, you and I.”
“It was also before that terrible scare last year. I thought
I’d lose you, Ben.”
“Let’s not dwell on that. We have too many good memories to
share. I was thinking the other day, do you remember what your father said to
you after I asked him for your hand?”
“Do I! The girls and I still laugh over that. He said, ‘Now
I like your young man, Nina, so don’t misunderstand me, but his prospects
aren’t so good. I don’t think he can care for you as you deserve, and he
couldn’t love you any more than I do.’”
“You did hold your father’s heart in your hands. So, have
I?”
“Have you what?”
“Cared for you and loved you?”
“You silly old fool. We’ve hit a rough patch or two, as
everyone does, but you’ve made my life a very happy one, my love. But I wonder
about you. I don’t see you as much as I used to. My memory isn’t what it was,
but some days I don’t see you at all until we cuddle in bed at night. Do you
still love me, as old and wrinkled as I’ve become?”
“You are as lovely as the day I met you, Nina. More so,
given all we’ve shared. There’s no one I’d rather spend my time with, and there
will never be another you.”
“Where do you go then, when you leave the house? Tell me
there isn’t someone else?”
“Never. Remember when I was in the Navy and spent so many
months on that ship? I’d get so disheartened when I didn’t get a letter from
you, sometimes for a whole week. I was terribly afraid you’d forgotten me or
found someone else. Then the day would come and the clerk would hand me a dozen
or more letters. It was like Christmas for me, a letter for every day I was
gone. You never missed a day writing me. I’d hole up on my bunk and read your
thoughts, savoring every word. So, know this, dear Nina, wherever I am, you are
never far from my thoughts.”
“I remember those days, but they aren’t in my happy memories
file. My heart ached for you so. We were no more than newlyweds, and I cried
myself to sleep every night. Why did they have to take you away from me? It
didn’t seem fair.”
“Then I came home on another Valentine’s Day, and again we
started over.”
“Started over? I felt like I was in a time warp, and you
were still courting me. You brought me flowers after work every week. You
worked at Smitty’s Garage then. He told me once you were the best mechanic he’d
ever had, as long as he could keep your mind from wandering back home to be
with me.”
“Smitty said that? The old rascal, telling my secrets.”
“You were still working there when Cathy was born. That was
before Smitty had his heart attack.”
“I was scared to death I’d be a miserable father, but you
seemed to know exactly what to do. You took to motherhood like a fish to
water.”
“Except I got so fat.”
“Yes. I heard that for months. If anything, you were even
more beautiful. People say that women have a “glow” when in the family way, but
with you, it lasted so much longer. In fact, I can still see it.”
“You old flirt. Do you remember our date night on our 25th
anniversary? We went to see the movies at that new theatre that opened up. I
can’t remember what we saw, but it was popular at the time. You took me by the
hand and led me up to the front row, and you knew I hated sitting up so close.
The theatre was packed, so I thought you hadn’t noticed the empty seats a few
rows back. The previews were showing, and you stopped in the middle of the
aisle. Then you went down on one knee and asked me to marry you again.”
“And the most important part—you said yes. It didn’t take me
twenty-five years to know I had that in common with your dad. You also hold my
heart, Nina. I will always be here as long as you want and need me.”
“I’ll always need you, but I must tell you something, Ben.”
“I thought we were
sticking with happy memories, my love.”
“I know, and…perhaps I shouldn’t, but the secret is weighing
on me. There was time, a man…”
Ben stared into her fawn brown eyes as his own misted over.
“No, nothing happened. It was when you were so sick. The
doctors said you weren’t going to make it, and I couldn’t accept that. I spent
hours in the hospital chapel, praying for a miracle…and once I met this man
there. His name was Frank Page, and his wife passed away that night. I tried to
comfort him in his pain. Days later, he visited me in your hospital room. You
were sedated and I doubt you recall?”
Benjamin shook his head.
“Well, after that first visit, Frank returned a few days
later. He asked me to have a coffee with him in the cafeteria. You were asleep
with the morphine, and I didn’t see the harm in it, so I went.”
Ben looked down at his cup of coffee and took a sip to avoid
her eyes. It tasted bitter, and he pushed it away.
“Frank was very attentive and very interested in how you
were doing. I had no one else to talk to after Flo moved away, and he was there,
ready to listen. This went on for a few weeks. He’d stop at the hospital every
few days to talk with me. He’d ask how you were. Some mornings, we’d have
coffee together. Then, when you got out of the hospital, I didn’t think any
more about it…about him. But one night last week, he showed up here at the
house.”
Ben cleared his throat and rubbed his forehead. “What
happened, Nina?”
“He said he knew you were gone and that I might enjoy his
company. Then he…he kissed me, Ben. I didn’t see it coming, and I slapped his
face! I don’t know if I’d misunderstood his intentions the whole time or if I’d
somehow led him on. I feel terrible, Ben. I can’t sleep at night for thinking
about it. You’re my everything. I told Mr. Page he needed to leave this house,
and I never wanted to see him again.”
Tears fell from her beautiful eyes, and Ben’s heart melted
at the sight.
“Dear wife, it was a misunderstanding and no more than that.
I know how faithful you are. I trust you with my love and my soul. Do not
linger another minute on this…unless Mr. Page pushes it, then I’ll have to take
measures.”
Nina stood and skirted the table's edge to take her husband
in her arms. “God knows I love you.”
“I love you too, sweet Nina.”
“Never leave me?” she asked.
“I promise.”
Nina wiped at her eyes and looked down at Ben. “I swear,
though, dearest, you’ve wasted away since you were sick. You weigh less than
nothing. Let me fix you something to eat. We need to fatten you up.” She wiped
the remaining tears from her eyes and kissed his forehead.
“Did I tell you that Cathy is stopping by later this
morning? She said she has something she wants to talk to me about.”
“Ah, some girl talk.”
“I suppose so.”
Nina went to the refrigerator to begin their breakfast. She
pulled out the container of eggs and the special brand of sausage that Benjamin
favored. As she set the table, a knock came from the door.
“I bet that’s Cathy now, early as usual.”
“I’ll give you girls your privacy then,” Ben said.
Nina turned to smile at him, but he was already gone.
“Mornin,’ Mom,” Cathy yelled from the door. “I know I’m
early, but I have some things to catch up on around the house later. What have
you been up to?” She stepped into the kitchen, and her eyes swept the room.
“Oh, your father and I were chatting. Tomorrow’s our
anniversary, you know.”
“Jesus, Mom. Two place settings at the table. Who’s the
second one for?”
“Don’t be silly, Catherine. It’s for your father, of
course.”
“Mom, when are you going to stop this? You know Dad is
gone.”
“Nonsense, I was talking to him a moment ago. Benjamin, come
say hello to your daughter!” Nina stared at the spot her husband left moments
before, then continued. “I guess he’s out in his work shed. But I told him
about that man, Cathy. I couldn’t keep it a secret any longer. I’d felt sorry
for him because he was grieving for his wife, but that gave him no right to
take such liberties. Your father is such a kind and considerate man. He
understood.”
“Dad’s gone, Mom. We buried him last year. God, I hate to
see you like this. You need to get out of this house some and move on with your
life. You’re still healthy and independent. You should go out with Mr. Page
sometime, to have a companion your own age. Mr. Page told me he’s worried about
you.”
“He needn’t. I felt sorry for him but won’t have anything
more to do with him.”
“Dad wouldn’t want you going on like this, Mom. You know he
wouldn’t.”
“He said he’ll always be here as long as I need him, and
I’ll always need him, Cathy.”
Cathy shook her head and changed the subject to more mundane
matters. Nina advised her of the sale running at the grocery. Cathy shared her
concern about her daughter’s report card. Nina spoke of the new flower seed she
ordered to plant in the Spring. When there was little else to discuss, Cathy
took her leave.
“Mom, you should talk to someone about your “visits” with
Dad. There’s a doctor in town that some of my friends rave about…”
***
Nina watched her daughter’s car pull out of the drive and
returned to preparing breakfast. When she cracked an egg in the frying pan, she
felt his arms wrap around her.
“She’ll never understand, Ben.”
“Maybe someday.”
“I love you, Benjamin Mills. Forever.”
“I love you, too.”
“Do you remember that time…”
