Saturday, August 25, 2018

Saturday Giggles #2 by Erika M Szabo #OurAuthorGang

Nurse Stories

I've been a nurse all my adult life. Taking care of the sick is hard, challenging, yet the most rewarding profession. Sometimes I cry with the patients but sometimes it makes me giggle when things turn out funny because of a simple misunderstanding.

A man was brought to the ER, drunk out of his mind. His wife said he fell off the roof but luckily the bush he fell onto broke his fall and he got away with superficial cuts, scrapes and bruises. The doctor ordered a Tetanus boost, so I got the shot and went back to his stretcher.
As soon as he spotted the syringe in my hand, he started screaming, "You ain't gonna do that. No way! It's gonna hurt!"
I sighed and thought, here we go. I'm going to waste ten minutes to explain why he needs the booster and what could be the consequences if he refused to get it. Surprisingly, after only two minutes he agreed to have the injection.
But then came the hard part, "Wait until I'm ready!" He warned.
The ten minutes wasted anyway because every time I lifted my hand with the syringe in it, he shrunk back and yelled, "Not ready yet!"
I couldn't waste any more time, so I used an old nurse's trick. I signaled a nurse, she quickly assessed the situation and nodded, and then she walked over to me and whispered loud enough so the man could hear her, "Oh my God, look!" She jutted her chin toward the entrance door.
The man perked up, craned his neck to see and asked, "What's going on?"
It took me a second to give him the shot while he focused on the door to find out what my colleague was talking about and I said, "All done." and put a band-aid on his arm.
He looked at me with such a confused expression on his face that I couldn't hold back a giggle.
"You gave me the shot! You really gave me the shot!" It dawned on him wincing as he touched his arm. "You're good, though. I didn't feel a thing!" he announced and smiled.

I was assessing an elderly man in the ER who was gasping for air and his nails turned to a bluish color. After I hooked him up to oxygen and the cardiac monitor and checked his vital signs, I typed up my findings on the portable computer while I monitored his oxygenation. His wife startled me when she yelled standing behind me, “He’s not an SOB, he’s a good man!”
Then I realized she was reading my notes and explained to her, “Ma’am, S.O.B. means shortness of breath.”
I was admitting a telemetry patient who had a urine analysis test ordered. I gave him the container with cleansing wipes and told him, “The bathroom is there, use this when you have to pee.”
I went back to see him about half an hour later. He handed me the empty, unopened container and said, “This is too small, I used the toilet.”
A large man in the ER screamed bloody murder after two nurses tried to insert an IV in his arm and failed. The guy threatened to call his lawyer and sue the hospital. He called the nurses incompetent fools, so, because I was the supervisor on that shift, they called me to deal with the angry man. I went into his room, introduced myself and told him, “Sir, I’m going to try to start your IV.”
He yelled, “I hope you know what you’re doing! This hospital is full of @#$%# idiots!”
I put my nurse face on and said in my soothing nurse voice to break his foul mood, “Don’t worry, Sir, I just watched a video on YouTube and learned how to start IVs.”
The surprised look on his face was priceless and I heard the nurses taking sharp breaths outside the door, ready for another angry eruption.
“Okay, you get one shot!” he replied somewhat calmer, but there was a calculating look on his face as if he was already counting the money he would get from a lawsuit. He watched me like a hawk and I saw his wife from the corner of my eye holding her phone and recording my every move.
After I started his IV and adjusted the IV fluid drip he said calmly, “You did alright.”
I left his room and one of the younger nurses gave me a fist bump and said, "I didn't believe it when they said you're a patient whisperer, but now I know."
Nurses have medical problems too, so after experiencing some palpitation, I went to have an echo-cardiogram done. The technician prepared everything, hooked me up to the machine and started the test by sliding his “magic wand” over my chest. Being a nurse and being familiar what the heart and blood vessels are supposed to look like on the monitor, I kept a sharp eye on the monitor and told the technician, “Go back, I want to see the bicuspid valve again.”
He complied, but when I instructed him the third time as my cardiologist poked his head through the door, the technician begged the doctor, “Can you put her to sleep, please?”
The doc laughed and said, "She's a nurse, she can't help it."
I got the message and shut my mouth for the remainder of the test.   

Hope I put a little smile on your face, read more:
Saturday Giggles #1 HERE
Life in the ER HERE
Gluten-free epic cooking fails HERE
The unforgettable Birthday cake HERE
Crepes flipping experiment HERE

Like to read? Take a look at my books HERE