Clumsy guy versus hole in the ground
Steve was a happy-go-lucky guy but also the clumsiest, funniest and the most fast-acting-without-thinking kind of guy I’ve ever known. He was born with two left feet (well not literarily) and his body was way much faster than his brain. He passed away a few months ago at 87 and we always wondered how he managed to live that long. Let me tell you a story about him.
He decided that his spruce tree was getting too tall and wide close to the entrance of his property. It was blocking his view of the traffic on the busy highway, so he decided to dig it up and replant it somewhere else on his land.
He drove the huge backhoe from his garage without making a plan where he would replant the tree and within minutes there was about a seven feet deep gaping hole where the tree had stood. He jumped off the backhoe and looked at the tree laying on the ground with huge dirtball around the roots. He stood there, scratched his head; trying to find a place to replant the tree. He decided that the north corner of his swimming pool would be the perfect place for the beautiful tree.
He climbed right back up on that backhoe, dug a hole by the pool, hauled the tree over and planted it. Satisfied with his accomplishment, he turned towards his wife who just pulled into the driveway. She stared at the gaping hole where the tree had been.
“What did you do that for?” his wife asked watching him walking towards her. Suddenly he disappeared from her sight and fell into the deep hole.
“I’m okay! Help me out of here, would you?”
Steve didn’t fill up the hole that day or the next day, despite his wife’s nagging. I visited them the next evening.
I got out of my car, and I saw Steve running after his sausage dog. The dog was carrying something black in his mouth and seemed to try to reach the hole in the crawlway wall before Steve could catch up with him. I was watching the short-legged dog hoping he would win the race when Steve’s shout diverted my attention.
“Fudge on muffin!” I heard his muffled voice. Being a sweet and polite man, I never heard him swear but he used the goofiest words to substitute the F word.
I couldn’t see him anywhere. Then I heard Eva’s shrieking voice from the patio. “Damn fool! Told you to fill up that hole!”
I rushed over to see what happened. Steve was trying to pull himself out of the deep hole but he kept slipping.
“Are you okay?” I hollered as I scanned him for injuries.
“I’m okay! Really! Just go get something to pull me up.”
“Wait! Don’t you move! Let me get a stepladder to get you out.”
Eva and I lowered a ladder into the hole. Steve climbed up, examining the scrapes and scratches on his arms and legs. Luckily, he had only superficial injuries. Steve promised he would fill up the hole the following day.
The next day rained all day.
My phone rang around five in the evening; I heard Eva’s voice when I picked up. “You will not gonna to believe this!” she sounded exasperated, “The dumbbell fell into the hole again!”
“Seriously!?” I asked hardly believing, “The third time? Is he okay?”
“Yes,” she chuckled. “He’s the only person on Earth who would fall into the same hole three times. But he swam out this time; the hole is filled up with water.”
For Saturday giggles, watch these videos
Erika M Szabo
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